Redemption
by Lillie Cullen
Summary: James wasn't always evil. What made him this way? How did he know Alice? Maybe he didn't always hate her...maybe he loved her. My take on what their history might have been. Don't worry, I didn't break up Jaz/Alice.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that. Some of the text and dialogue from the book are lovingly used in this chapter with no copyright infringement intended.**

**Summary: Bella begs the Cullens to spare James' life at the ballet studio. James decides to repay them by telling Alice the story of her human life - a story he knows all too well. This story is rated T for now, but may change to M later. You know how I can't resist a good lemon now and again.**

"_**He's someone who had a broken heart;  
**__**someone who's had people in his life and ends up alone at the end of the day."**_  
~ Cam Gigandet on James

"Bella? Bella?" She'd called to me in fear. And then the TV screen went blue.

I turned slowly. He was standing very still by the back exit, so still I hadn't noticed him at first. In his hand was a remote control. We stared at each other for a long moment and then he smiled. He walked toward me, quite close, and then passed me to the remote down next to the VCR. I turned carefully to watch him.

"Sorry about that, Bella, but isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved in all this?" His voice was courteous, kind. And suddenly it hit me. My mother was safe. He could have found her, as easily as he'd found me, but for whatever reason, this monster had spared my mother's life. For that small token of mercy, I was grateful.

"Yes," I answered, my voice saturated with relief. I lifted my head to look into his pitch black eyes. He was standing a few feet away from me, looking at me curiously. There was no menace in his face or stance. It was odd to look at my murderer and find him strangely handsome now that he wasn't snarling and snapping at me. His long, dirty blond hair was pulled neatly into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He wore a pale blue, long sleeved shirt and faded blue jeans.

"I'm impressed by your bravery, I'll give you that. I suppose you think that your boyfriend will avenge you? Or do you think he'll realize I'm doing this for his own good?" His voice was harder now, anger beginning to seep through the fascade.

"His own good?" I couldn't even begin to comprehend how James could possibly think this madness was for Edward's own good.

"Yes, you see, I understand Edward better than you think. I was once just like him, a stupid naïve vampire in love with a human girl. She ran away from me and took everything I loved with her. Just like you all do. You want to know what I think? I think he'll thank me one day for disposing of you before you could break his heart." James began circling me now, casually. Was he comparing me to this mystery girl? Was he just deciding the best way to go in for the kill?

"You look a little like her, you know," he sneered. "She was beautiful in an unassuming way, too. It's just another trick to lure us in. To make us do anything for you; to make us want to live for you, make us want to die for you. But I've been fooled once before, I see the signs now."

I suddenly felt myself flying backward, then heard the crunch as my head bashed into the mirrors. The glass buckled, some of the pieces shattering and splintering on the floor beside me. I was too stunned to feel the pain. I couldn't breathe yet. He walked to me slowly.

"She left me when I needed her most. Just at the moment I thought we could share eternity together. I won't let that happen to anyone else. I am going to kill you now, Bella. I'm going to save Edward from sharing my fate."

He was over me at once, his foot stepping down hard on my leg. I heard the sickening snap before I felt it. But then I did feel it, and I couldn't hold back my scream of agony. I twisted up to reach for my leg, and he was standing over me. I expected to find him enjoying this, but instead his face was contorted with…sadness?

"It doesn't have to be like this, James. I'm not the one the one that hurt you. Please don't kill me for her mistakes," I pleaded.

"No! Don't you talk about her! Don't you EVER talk about her!" He grabbed my head and smashed it into the mirrors behind me. Over the pain of my leg, I felt the sharp rip across my scalp where the glass cut into it. And then the warm wetness began to spread through my hair with alarming speed. I could feel it soaking the shoulder of my shirt, hear it dripping on the wood below. The smell of it twisted my stomach. This was it. He wouldn't be able to resist the blood. It would all be over soon.

"Tell Edward I love him," I begged. "Please." I closed my eyes and waited for death. I was not prepared for what came next.

"Oh, Bella, what have I done? I'm so sorry." James voice swirled in my head with a tone that sounded remorseful and panicked and words that didn't make sense. "This is going to hurt, but it's the only way. But you have to promise me something first, Bella. You have to promise me that when you wake up, you won't run. You'll stay with Edward. Promise me!" James growled.

A voice that sounded vaguely like my own whispered "I promise" as I sunk deeper and deeper into my strange dream. So this is what it felt like to die. Where I floated, under the dark water, I heard the happiest sound my mind could conjure up.

"Bella! Leave her alone, you bastard!" I was brought back to the surface by a sharp pain slashing my hand.

I opened my eyes and saw Emmett, Jasper and Alice circling James, not unlike he had circled me just moments before. James was not in a fighting stance; he was standing upright and perfectly still. He kept shifting his gaze between me and the vampires circling him. Emmett lunged and bit a chunk of out his shoulder, the keening sound tearing me from the shock. James did not fight back, just looked at me again and mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to me before turning his attention to Alice. Suddenly his demeanor changed; he was goading her on.

"Come on, Alice, do it already. Kill me." He held up his hand and curled his index finger as if to beckon her. He was smiling. Jasper lowered himself into a crouch and was ready to lunge when I screamed.

"No!" Don't kill him!"

"What do you mean? He nearly killed you Bella! He deserves to die!" I hadn't even realized Edward and Carlisle were at my side, Carlisle was looking over my injuries, which I was certain were extensive, but I couldn't focus on the pain. Edward looked at me with wide eyes, crazed with fear for me and anger for James.

"Please, don't kill him. I'm begging you, let him go."

"Shut up you stupid human!" James was suddenly angry again, and Emmett took advantage of the distraction by pinning James' arms behind his back. James' shoulders slumped and his head hung to his chest. "Let them kill me. I want to die, I want to die…." His voice trailed off as he kept repeating it like a mantra. Emmett and Jasper looked disgusted. Alice was staring at James as if seeing him for the first time. She looked confused.

"He. Deserves. To. Die." Edward growled through gritted teeth, his hands balled into fists.

I couldn't let them do this. Not only because I found myself feeling sorry for James despite everything he just put me through, but because they would regret it. This was not who they are. "Please. Don't turn into killers like James, not on my account." I was shaking my head frantically in protest. "He's not even fighting back!"

"Bella, No! We cannot take the chance that he will come back for you. He nearly destroyed you, Bella. He is not worthy of your mercy." Edward was furious.

I looked at Carlisle with pleading eyes. "He didn't really have my mother. He could have killed her, but he didn't. I don't think he will hurt me again. _Please_."

Carlisle looked at Edward and I could tell they were having a silent conversation. Edward shook his head a few times, then looked towards James and the other three Cullens. His seemed to be listening intently to each of them. Finally, he bowed his head in resignation and said "Let him go."

Emmett dragged James to the door and pushed him out forcefully. I heard James fall to the ground in a heap with a loud crash. "Get out of here, and don't you ever try to mess with my little sister again, or else I'll personally tear you to shreds and use your body parts for kindling."

The urgency of the moment gone, I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Or at least I attempted to. I suddenly felt all the pain I'd been ignoring. I cried out, gasping.

"Bella!" Edward cried.

"She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't deep," Carlisle said calmly. "Watch out for her leg, it's broken." I felt a sharp pain as Carlisle pressed his fingers against my side. "Some ribs, too, I think," he continued. But the sharp pains were fading. There was a new pain, a scalding pain in my hand that was overshadowing everything else. It felt as though someone was burning me.

"Edward," I tried to tell him, "My hand hurts."

"I know, Bella. Carlisle will give you something for the pain."

"My hand is burning!" I screamed. I threw my head back in pain and closed my eyes against it. "The fire! Somebody stop the fire!" I screamed as it burned me.

"Carlisle! Her hand!"

"He bit her." Carlisle's voice was no longer calm. "See if you can suck the venom back out. Her injuries aren't fatal, and the wound is fairly clean." I writhed in the grip of the fiery torture, the movement making the pain in my leg flare sickeningly. Edward shook his head. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."

Edward's face was drawn. I watched his eyes as the doubt was suddenly replaced with a blazing determination. His jaw tightened. I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it in place. Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin. Slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb. The fire was dulling, focusing into an ever-smaller point.

I felt my consciousness slipping as the pain subsided. "Stay, Edward, stay with me…Don't leave me…I promised James…I promised I wouldn't leave you."

"Sleep now, Bella. I'm not leaving you," were the last words I heard.

**A/N: Obviously, I channeled a lot from the original story for this chapter, but it was necessary. So what do you think so far? **


	2. Chapter 1: Daisies

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that.**

**Edward's POV**

Bella was watching my family as she begged for his life. She would have seen James be torn to pieces, heard his screams, heard the metallic screeching as my family dismembered him and set the pieces aflame. She would finally have seen us as the monsters we are. That was the thought that finally saved James' miserable life. Not the fact that Carlisle was insisting he wasn't fighting back and deserved mercy. Not Jasper thinking about the overwhelming remorse James was emanating, in addition to several other emotions that had Jasper perplexed and off balance. It wasn't Alice, whose thoughts were a frantic jumble that made no sense at all. It wasn't even James himself, who was thinking that he had fallen so far from who he was, that he now realized how wrong it was to do what he had done, not only to Bella but to so many others before her, and how he deserved, desired, death. No, it was Bella, begging for us to not be killers, that let him live.

Bella's injuries were extensive. She had a broken leg, four broken ribs, bruises covering her entire body, and had lost a lot of blood, both from what James had done to her and from me having to remove the venom to keep her from becoming a vampire. I had stayed by her side. The nurses were kind enough to bring me a cot, which I mussed when they weren't looking so they would think I had actually used it. They even brought me trays of food, which I pulverized and flushed down the toilet. They kept thinking what a great boyfriend I was and how lucky Bella was to have me. Lucky. Right. Bella was lucky to be alive.

When Bella woke up, Charlie and Renee were by her side, and so I hung in the background. She panicked, searching the room until she found me, calming immediately. She gave them our cover story about her falling down the stairs, and they took it at face value. They were grateful to Carlisle for his attentive care of her, and gladly accepted our offer to have her stay at our house during her recovery so that Charlie wouldn't have to worry about carrying her to the bathroom or helping her bathe.

Once we got Bella safe and settled in at home, Bella filled us all in on the conversation James had with her at the ballet studio.

"It was really sad, actually. Whoever she was, he had really loved her, and losing her had apparently sent him off the deep end. I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I really feel bad for him. I mean, I know how I would feel if I lost you, and 'sane' would not be at the top of the list of adjectives, you know what I mean?" Bella never ceased to amaze me. Here she was, bandaged from head to toe, a cast on her leg, a permanent silver scar in the shape of his teeth on her hand, and _she_ was feeling bad for _him_.

Jasper chimed in. "Well, at least that explains some of the emotions I was getting from him. There was intense remorse and regret, but there was also a great deal of love, sorrow, and pain. I didn't understand it at the time, how he could be feeling so much love at that moment, at what I'm sure he thought was the moment of death with three vampires circling him. He must have been remembering this mystery girl. What about you, Edward, did you hear any thoughts from him about her?"

"Not in so many words. He did think 'she'd be ashamed of what I've become'. Mostly, though, he was apologizing to Bella and begging Alice to kill him."

"He didn't have to beg, I'd have gladly helped him out with that if he'd have asked me," Emmett clapped an open hand around his fist with a crash. Emmett was the only one who showed no sympathy for James at the studio. James had hurt our family, therefore James deserved to die. Simple math as far as Emmett was concerned. Jasper must have sensed a reaction from Bella, because he gave Emmett a disapproving look.

"Alice, how about you? I tried to read your thoughts to get your opinion on whether or not to spare him, but nothing was making sense to me. What was going on with you back there?"

Alice held one of Jasper's hands inside both of her own. "This is going to sound crazy, but when we were at the ballet studio I took a good, hard look at James for the first time, and I swear I've seen him before. My entire vampiric life I have had these sporadic visions of a man, always either where I was at the moment or wherever I had just been. But I never interacted with the man in my visions, he never approached me, so I didn't know what to make of the visions, and really had no way of even knowing if they were real. I had tried to find him a few times, but was never able to. After a while I just started ignoring them. Guys, the man in those visions was James. I have no idea what to make of it." I didn't need Jasper to tell me she was upset and confused. What could it mean? I was startled when the house phone rang. Alice jumped, she hadn't seen it coming, so engulfed in her own thoughts. I answered it and almost smashed it to pieces when I heard the voice on the other end.

"Hello? Edward? This is James. I mean you no harm, I assure you. I wanted to check on Bella and see if she is okay." I held back a growl.

"She is recovering, no thanks to you."

"I want you to know that I only bit her because I didn't think you would get there in time, and I was afraid her injuries were too extensive to survive. I thought it was the only way to save her. May I speak with her? Please?"

"Now why the hell would I let you of all people talk to Bella?" I looked over at her, shocked to see her holding out her hand for the phone.

"I want to talk to him, Edward," she said softly. I shook my head at her.

"Edward. Let him talk to her," Alice said in a calm but commanding voice. _He has something to say. Something I need to hear. _Begrudgingly, I gave Bella the phone.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I can never tell you just how sorry I am for what I've done. I watched from a distance as they took you to the hospital and saw you were unconscious. I assumed they figured out a way to stop the change? Edward says you're recovering. What does that mean, exactly? There's no permanent damage, is there?" I was taken aback, he sounded genuinely concerned with her wellbeing.

"Yes, Edward sucked the venom out and stopped the change," Bella sighed, "besides that, I have some broken ribs, a broken leg, and a few new scars. No real permanent damage." I couldn't believe how calmly she was speaking to him. It suddenly occurred to me that she not only felt sorry for James, she had actually forgiven him for what he'd done. On top of that, she was actually downplaying her injuries, no doubt to help alleviate his guilt.

"For that, at least, I am thankful. Bella, I know I have absolutely no right, but I would like to ask a favor of you." I scoffed and Bella gave me a reproachful look. "I want to make it up to you, to your family. More than that, I need to do something that should have been done decades ago. Is there any way you could convince the Cullens to allow me to visit?"

"Are you out of your mind?!" I screamed, although it wasn't necessary in order for him to hear me. He kept talking as though no one but Bella could hear him and he couldn't hear me.

"I want to tell Alice the story of her transformation. I know what happened to her. I'm the only one that does. I was there. Please, she deserves to know. When I'm done with my story, I will gladly allow any one of them to kill me if they still desire."

"James, I will talk to them," Bella said, "but answer me one question first. Are you the one that changed her?"

James took in a deep breath. "No."

"Hold on." Bella put the phone on mute and looked to me.

"Absolutely not." I would not risk Bella's life on the off-chance he had some insight into Alice's past. How were we to know it wasn't just another ruse? Bella looked to Emmett and Rose.

"Sure, let him come. I'd love to finish what we started." I rolled my eyes. Typical Emmett.

She looked to Jasper and Alice next. "Please, Bella, let him come. If he can tell me the truth, I want to know," Alice whispered, not daring to look at me. Jasper nodded his head in affirmation, though he looked wary.

"We took him down once, we can do it again if we have to. Let him come." Carlisle and Esme nodded their heads in agreement.

Bella turned the phone off mute. "They have agreed, James. Please don't betray their trust. My trust."

"I won't, Bella. Thank you. May I come over now?" Bella looked to me again and I nodded.

"Yes. We'll see you soon."

**James' POV**

I stopped at the florist on my way to the Cullens. I wanted to bring a token of my remorse with me as I begged for Bella's forgiveness. But what? Roses? No, surely Edward would misconstrue my intentions. I finally settled on a mixed bouquet of white tulips and periwinkle sprigs. I watched as the girl behind the counter wrapped the bouquet and a second, larger bouquet of daisies each with a white ribbon before handing them to me. _Daisies were always her favorite. _I stopped myself from allowing my mind to follow that path yet again.

I don't think I'd ever been more nervous in my entire life_. A life which just may be coming to an end in a few short hours. Even if it doesn't, I have no doubt that it will be irrevocably changed forever._ I felt that familiar burn in the back of my throat and realized I should hunt before I go to their house. I thought briefly of the salesgirl at the florist, but changed my mind quickly. After what I had almost done to Bella, the thought of taking another human life repulsed me. I put the flowers in the car and took off into the woods. I found a deer and took it down quickly. The taste was pungent, bitter. Still, it served its purpose, it stopped the burn for the time being.

That task done, there was nothing left for me to stall with. With great trepidation, I drove to the Cullens and knocked on the door. _Here goes nothing._

Carlisle answered the door and stepped aside wordlessly to allow me to enter. Bella was sprawled out on the couch, a blanket covering her legs as she leaned on several pillows propped against one arm of the couch. Edward was leaning against that same couch arm, one hand protectively on Bella's shoulder. He was glaring at me. Rightfully so. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the other couch, hand in hand. Alice was looking at me, the confusion evident in her gaze. The thought occurred to me that this might cause her more harm than good. _Who am I doing this for? Am I breaking my silence for her sake…or for my own?_ Either way, there was no turning back now. I noticed Jasper look at Edward and Edward looked back, his brow furrowing in confusion before returning to look at me. Was he picking up on my emotions? I hoped not. That would not make this any easier.

There was one open seat available, across from the couches, and Carlisle swayed his hand towards it. Rosalie and Emmett were standing on either side of the chair. They didn't trust me. They had planned this out well. No matter, I was here to tell Alice her story and then I was going to ask them to kill me. I was certain they would oblige. I slowly, hesitantly walked towards the couches and handed the tulips to Bella, who thanked me sweetly. I then turned to Alice and handed her the daisies. If I were not a vampire, my hands would have been trembling. I think they were anyway. She took them slowly, inhaled them, then looked at me.

"How did you know?" She asked. I was unable to suppress my sorrow as I smiled at her.

"They were always your favorite." She looked even more confused than before but said nothing else. Esme walked around me and took the flowers from the girls.

"Let me put these in water for you two. James, please have a seat. I think we are all anxious to hear what you have to say." So I sat down in the chair without casting a glance at my guards and closed my eyes for a moment before I began.

"Your name was Mary Alice Brandon. You were born on June 28, 1901 in Biloxi, Mississippi to Mary and Thomas Brandon. Your sister was born three years later. Her name was Cynthia, but we always called her Cindy. Your father…"

"We?" Alice interrupted. "_We_ called her Cindy?"

I looked into her eyes and no longer cared about trying to hide my emotions. "Yes, _we_. You and I. We grew up together. We were best friends."

**A/N: You know what I say about reviews...James is available and has a brand new bottle of hershey's syrup...**


	3. Chapter 2: Teddy Bears

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

_Flashback – Biloxi, Mississippi – Summer, 1906 – James' POV_

"18…19…20…Ready or not, here I come!" I lifted my head up from where I was leaning against the tree and opened my eyes. I stood there for just a moment, then ran with purpose behind the woodpile to find…nothing. I turned my head slowly left, then right, then made a beeline for the back of the toolshed. "Ha! I found you!" I laughed as Alice got up from behind the wheelbarrow, stomping her tiny feet.

"Yes, but it wasn't the first place you looked this time, was it? You looked behind the woodpile first." I knew she was proud of herself. This was the first time that she wasn't in the first place I looked.

"How would you know that? You were in here!"

"I _knew_ you'd look behind the woodpile first, that's why I came here." Anytime Alice said 'she knew,' she meant 'she saw,' but it was a secret just between us. Alice liked to believe she had visions of the future. I liked to believe I was a pirate. But the one time she'd told her parents about her visions, her mother had gone berserk, so now the only one she told was me.

"Doesn't matter. I still found you. I always find you. Admit it, I'm good at it." I tickled her sides until she fell down in the warm grass.

"Alright, I admit it. At least I never have to worry about getting lost." Alice laughed as I laid down next to her, looking up at the sky.

"Nope." I said confidently. "That one looks like a horse," I said as I pointed to a cloud cluster overhead.

"That one looks like a bird." I nodded my head in agreement. "James?"

"Yes?" I rolled on my side to look at her, expecting her to ask me if I wanted to play marbles or Kick the Wickey next.

"Will you marry me?" I laughed. What a silly question.

"Of course I will, silly. You're my best friend. Who else would I marry?"

Alice jumped up, excited. I didn't see what the big deal was. "Come on, let's go tell Mama!" I followed her inside. Her mother was sitting daintily on the floor, playing blocks with Cindy. She looked up at us with an exasperated smile.

"Children! You are an absolute mess," Mrs. Brandon laughed.

"Mama! Mama! James is going to marry me! He's my boyfriend!" Alice was jumping up and down so hard I was afraid she was going to put a hole in the floor and end up in the cellar.

Mrs. Brandon laughed some more. "Of course he is, dear, now go wash up for supper before _your in-laws_ arrive! Go on, now, both of you." It was a good thing that my parents and Alice's parents were such good friends. It meant we got to play together all the time. We ran into the kitchen to find the Brandon's maid, Annie, preparing supper.

"Oh, dear, in the toolshed again, weren't you?" She pushed a crate in front of the basin for us to stand on and poured some water into it. I liked Annie. She always gave us apples.

Right after we got cleaned up, my parents arrived. My mommy was so pretty. Long blonde hair that was so soft. I loved to play with it. So did Alice. She always wore the prettiest dresses when we came to Alice's, with the high collar and the button up boots that took her forever to get on.

After supper, Alice and I played marbles while our parents went into the parlor. We tip-toed into the hall so we could listen through the door.

"Alice is going to start kindergarten at the new school in the fall. Will James be attending as well?"

"I'm afraid not," my dad said. "We just can't afford it, and I don't see the point of sending him to school when he will be working on the family farm either way."

"John, if it's a matter of money, let me help you. No one would have to know we were paying for James' schooling," Mr. Brandon said.

"It would mean the world to Alice. Do you know what she told me today? She said that James was her boyfriend and they were getting married! Can you believe it? The funniest part was, he agreed with her." Mrs. Brandon was laughing again, but it was a friendly laugh. I didn't think she was making fun of us.

"They didn't! How adorable! Well, I guess it makes sense for them to think that way, they've been together since birth. I wonder if they will still think that way 10 years from now."

"With those two I wouldn't be surprised."

"So that settles it, then. We'll give you the money, and you can give it to the school. No one has to be the wiser. More whisky, John?"

"No, thank you. Now wait a minute, I never agreed to this…"

"Dear, it's important for James to be able to read and write. If he goes to school, then I'll help you on the farm with the time where I would have been teaching him myself." My mommy always had the last word in any fight.

"Oh, very well. We are indebted to you, my friend."

"Nonsense. Think nothing of it. There's nothing my family wouldn't do for yours, and I'm sure the same is true for us. Anybody in the mood for a dance? I could crank up the Victrola."

Just then Annie came up behind us and grabbed us by the back of our clothes. "What are you children doing? I come in here to give you sliced apples for dessert, with fresh ground cinnamon no less, and find you two eavesdropping. For shame." Annie's voice lowered into a whisper. "So what were they talking about?" She asked with a giggle.

"We're going to school in the fall! Together!" Alice was clapping her hands while I nodded with excitement.

"Well, you children are very lucky your parents are well-to-do," Annie said.

"Well to do what?" I asked, confused. Annie just laughed and ruffled my hair as she handed me my plate.

_End Flashback_

"James, how do you remember so many details from your human life? You told that story with such clarity, and you were, what, five at the time?" Carlisle asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yes, sir, we were five. I don't remember everything about my human life, but everything I do remember revolves around Alice." Jasper growled. I ignored him. I wasn't done with my story yet. He would have his opportunity later. I chanced a look at Alice and she had the strangest expression on her face. It was one of wonder and curiosity. I knew what emotions Jasper was feeling from me. I would have given anything at that moment to know what emotions he was getting from her. _If only she'd remember. If only she'd have remembered when…_but I was getting ahead of myself. Alice deserved the whole story, not just the ending.

_Flashback – Biloxi, Mississippi – Fall, 1906 – James' POV_

"Now children, I will be arranging you in alphabetical order by your last name. Ayers, James." I stepped forward and sat in the first seat of the first row, excited. This meant that Alice would be right behind me.

"Brandon, Alice."

"Yay!" Alice cheered as she took her seat behind me.

"Chadwick, Michael." A heavy set boy with an evil grin moved to sit behind Alice. As he walked past her, he smacked her on the side of the head with his tablet.

"Ow!" Alice cried. He wasn't getting away with doing that to my friend. I got up and punched him square in the nose.

"You be nice to Alice," I growled at him.

"Mr. Ayers!" the teacher shouted. "Come up here this instant!" I walked to the front of the room, a smug smile pasted on my face. That is, until the teacher made me turn around and put my hands on her desk. I didn't expect it when she brought out the yardstick from behind the desk and smacked my bottom in front of the whole class. Ten raps. By the seventh one I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I was embarrassed, not just for being spanked in front of the class, but for crying. I slunk back to my seat and Alice leaned forward to put a hand on my shoulder without saying a word. She kept it there until we had to start practicing writing our letters. By that time, she had calmed me down enough where I was at least breathing normally and the sniffling had stopped. As soon as we were out of the building after dismissal Alice gave me a big hug. Michael walked by with a couple other boys and started laughing but I ignored them. I may have gotten a whipping, but at least I didn't have a black eye.

"My hero!" She cried. "You were so brave, first punching that mean boy and then taking that whipping like that." I didn't feel brave, but somehow Alice being so thankful and proud made me feel better. My mother was helping my father on the farm that day, so I had to go home with Alice, which was fine with me. Her house felt as much like home as mine did anyway, maybe even more.

Mrs. Brandon greeted us at the door, Cindy by her side. "How was your first day of kindergarten, children?" Alice happily told the story of me 'sticking up for her,' as she put it. "Well, that's what boyfriends are supposed to do," Mrs. Brandon chuckled, then she kissed me on top of the head. "Thank you for watching out for my little girl, James."

"Always, ma'am. I promise." And I meant it.

"Well, then, I got a new book today. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Would you children like me to read to you while you have a snack? I believe Annie got some fresh apples today."

"Yay!" we both yelled excitedly. Her mother settled into her pink velvet chair and we laid on our bellies on the floor, our feet up in the air, eating our apples and listening intently as her mother read us the story.

It wasn't a week later when I had to fight Michael Chadwick again. Alice and I were leaving school when Michael came up behind us and lifted Alice's dress up well above her knees with a stick. "Hey, guys, I can see her knickers!" he laughed evilly.

I pushed him back and he dropped the stick but his two friends came up and grabbed me by both arms. Michael punched me in the stomach. "That was for giving me a black eye." He punched my side. "That was for the whipping I got from my Pa when I got home." He punched my other side. "And that was for your ugly little _girlfriend."_ The two boys let go of my arms and I fell to the dirt feeling like I was going to be sick.

Alice tried to help me up but I pushed her away, my eyes never leaving the ground. "Leave me alone." I hadn't realized until she started crying that I had pushed her hard enough to fall down. She got up crying and ran away. I chased her all the way to her backyard but couldn't see her. Somehow I knew, though. I ran straight to the woods behind her house and found her sitting behind a tree, crying.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to hurt you." Her sniffling made me so sad. I promised myself to never do anything to make her cry ever again.

When I got home, I told my father everything that had happened. He took me to the store and let me buy Alice a present to make it up to her. It was a light brown 'Teddy' bear. They were the newest toy, it was stuffed with button eyes and I thought she would like it.

I gave it to her the next morning and she hugged it so hard I thought the stuffing was going to come out.

_End Flashback_

"Jimmy," Alice gasped. _She remembered? _"I named that bear Jimmy. I took it with me everywhere. I even had it…" Horror passed across her face as another memory surfaced, one much less pleasant, I'm sure. "I even had it at the hospital."

**A/N: So what do you think? James is dying to know...he got out the whipped cream and sprinkles to go with the chocolate sauce. (If I keep this up, I'll have to change the rating to M just for the author's notes!)**


	4. Chapter 3: Dancing

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that.**

**A/N: Unless I indicate otherwise, this story will be written entirely from James' POV.**

_Present Day_

"Jimmy," Alice gasped. _She remembered? _"I named that bear Jimmy. I took it with me everywhere. I even had it…" Horror passed across her face as another memory surfaced, one much less pleasant, I'm sure. "I even had it at the hospital."

"Yes, you did. You loved that bear so much. Do you remember anything else?" I asked hopefully as I leaned forward. I felt Emmett's hand on my shoulder as Alice shook her head no. I sighed and pressed my lips into a tight line as I sat back in my seat. "I suppose I shall continue, then. I should mention, though, that I still have that bear. I couldn't stand for him to be left behind, having offered us both so much comfort when we needed it most. He is safely tucked away in storage. I will return him to you if you wish."

"Please," Alice whispered, shaking ever so slightly. Jasper was rubbing her back and I could feel the waves of calm he was directing her way. It reminded me of a time when my touch would calm her, without requiring special powers to do so, but again, I was getting ahead of myself, and there were happier memories to be shared before we went down that path.

_Flashback – Biloxi, Mississippi – Summer 1916 – James POV_

My day had gone like any other day that summer. I finished my work on the farm with my father, got cleaned up, and rode my bicycle to Alice's house. When I reached the house, I could hear Rag-time music coming from inside and smiled. I recognized the song; it was a lively piano tune by Scott Joplin called The Cascades. I walked in the back door without announcing myself; I never needed to knock at their house. I passed Annie in the kitchen and stopped to give her a kiss on the cheek as I walked by. She rewarded me with a fresh, shiny apple, which I gratefully took a bite of as I walked down the hall. I found Mrs. Brandon, Alice, and little Cindy all dancing in the parlor. They were each wearing fancy tunics and long, narrow skirts that just showed their ankles. Their outfits looked more like costumes than clothes; they were so colorful and pretty, especially when paired with the long beaded necklaces they wore that went almost to their waist. But all I could focus on at that moment was Alice's hair. Her long, gorgeous locks were gone, replaced with the short bobbed style that was all the rage these days. I would have expected it to bother me, but strangely, it didn't. The new style accentuated her facial features, especially at that moment when her cheeks were flushed from dancing and her eyes were sparkling and full of mirth.

As I watched them, I reflected on my life and how it had always revolved around Alice. We had known each other since birth, we had always been best friends, even when we each went through a phase of detesting anyone of the opposite sex strictly on principle, and now here we were, best friends still. But I found myself seeing Alice through new eyes as of late. Alice was changing before me from the awkward, easily excitable little girl I have always known into the lovely, confident, if still easily excitable, young woman she was destined to become. She took much more care of her appearance now, no longer the tom-girl playing catch outside in the dirt with me. I frequently found her reading up on the latest fashions with rapt attention. If today was any indication, it was well worth the effort.

I found myself feeling even more protective than I usually was towards Alice. Not just protective – possessive. Especially since Cindy told me that Michael Chadwick had come calling for her yesterday. What a miserable wretch he was. Cindy was quite happy when she told me Alice had rebuffed his advances. Dear Cindy always looked out for me. I loved her like my own sister. It was that bit of information that spurred me to take action. I could not take a chance of losing Alice to someone else.

"James!" Alice called to me as soon as she saw me leaning casually against the doorframe watching them. I sat the small package in my hands on the table. She ran to me and took both my hands in her own, walking backwards to drag me into the parlor so I could dance with her. Each of the ladies, including little Cindy, took their turn with me, swinging and dancing and laughing in time to the music until we all collapsed exhausted and out of breath onto the sofas.

_~End Flashback~_

"I remember that day!" Alice jumped up from her seat, excited. I smiled at her hopefully. _Could it be true?_ Alice closed her eyes and began humming the tune, swaying to the music. My heart felt as if it would start beating again, watching her dance just as I had that day. I looked around the room, and everyone held similar expressions to mine as they observed Alice smiling and dancing. She surprised me when suddenly she opened her eyes, sparkling just as much as they had then, and took my hands, pulling me up out of the chair to dance with her. We both ignored the multiple growls we heard in the room as I put one hand on her waist and held her hand with the other as we twirled around the room to the melody that only we could hear.

Edward had whispered something to Bella, who nodded enthusiastically. He got up from his place next to Bella, and looked pointedly at Jasper, who took Edward's cue and sat next to Bella. Then suddenly we weren't the only ones who could hear the music. Edward walked to the piano and began playing the intoxicating music, having heard it in Alice's thoughts. Alice's carefree laugh filled the room as Edward played and I found myself laughing too, genuinely laughing, for the first time in decades. Carlisle and Esme soon joined us as we danced around the living room. Rosalie was scowling. Emmett looked confused, but smiled when his parents joined us, and looked hopefully at Rosalie for a moment before hanging his head down in defeat. Jasper looked murderous, and Bella was watching us with a sad smile on her face. Maybe she wanted to dance, too. My dancing slowed with both the remembrance that I was the reason she couldn't dance and the fact that Alice's eyes clouded over in a vision. Her eyes captured mine with a mischievous twinkle and the corners of her lips curled up in a grin. I fought back the urge to place my lips on her own, but I barely had time to register that thought when she glanced back to Edward. He nodded in consent to whatever he had seen in her thoughts. Suddenly I understood where she was going with this and nodded to her with a smile. Alice squeezed my hands before pulling me over to Jasper and Bella with a squeal.

"Would you dance with me, Jasper?" Alice asked. Jasper stood hesitantly, his eyes not breaking his glare at me until I looked to Bella with my hand extended.

"Bella, would you care to dance?" I asked her softly. If Alice had not had a vision, I would have been terrified of her answer. "I won't let you get hurt," I promised her. She looked at Edward first, then Carlisle. When they both gave their silent okay, she flung the blanket off her legs and my heart broke at the sight of her cast. I lifted her up gently by her waist, being careful to not put pressure on her ribs, and swung her around the room, her legs dangling and her head flung back as she laughed, whether with joy or at the sheer absurdity of the moment, I wasn't sure, but the reason why was irrelevant. I was just thankful to hear it and somehow be the cause of it after the pain she had endured because of me. Emmett made quick work of moving the coffee tables out of the room, creating a makeshift dance floor, and pulled Rosalie into his arms as Edward broke into another tune.

We continued this way for some time, until even Jasper and Rosalie seemed to be smiling. In fact, Rosalie even danced with me for a few minutes so Emmett could have a chance to twirl Bella around the room. Of course, Rosalie pulled me close to murmur in my ear 'hurt anyone in my family ever again and I'll kill you myself,' before allowing me to gracefully spin her around the room some more. I smiled at her and held her gaze, hoping to convey without words that there is no way I would ever hurt Alice, or anyone she loved, ever again. Rosalie seemed to understand and gave me a curt nod in acknowledgement as we danced.

As the last note hung in the air, we all returned to our seats so I could continue my story. But it was different now, more relaxed, the ice having been broken somewhat. "What happened next?" Alice implored as she sat next to Jasper and took hold of his hand again. Jasper was looking at me again, and I could see his concern as I struggled to maintain control of my emotions. If I couldn't keep them in at this point of the story, when it should be so much easier, how would I ever keep them in check later? I took a deep breath and willed myself to calm down before continuing.

_Flashback – Biloxi, Mississippi – Summer 1916 – James POV_

When our breathing had returned to normal from the dancing and the giggles from the women in the room had died down, I swallowed hard and stood to face Mrs. Brandon.

"I know that this isn't the traditional way to go about this, but it seems out of place to be so formal in a home I love as my own, so I hope you will forgive me for my lack of etiquette, but I would like permission to court your daughter."

Cindy jumped up off the couch and gave me a big hug. "I thought you'd never ask!" She laughed, as did everyone else in the room.

"Very funny, little one," I said as I kissed the top of her head and looked hopefully to Mrs. Brandon. I heaved a sigh of relief when I found her smiling back at me.

"It's about time, James," she said with a chuckle as she stood and kissed my cheek. "Shall I assume you will be joining us for supper, then?"

"Yes, ma'am, if that's alright. Afterwards, do you think that I could take Alice roller skating?" I turned to Alice, "if you would like, of course." I blushed furiously. Never in my life had I been so nervous around Alice. Come to think of it, never in my life had I been so nervous. Period. Alice was uncharacteristically demure as she nodded, her eyes looking moist and full of emotion.

"Come on, Cindy, let's tell Annie to add another plate to the table and start on your studies." As the other two Brandon women left the room, I sat next to Alice and handed her the gift I had set on the table when I came in. She unwrapped the book and hugged me tightly. I relished the warmth that spread from my heart throughout my chest as I held her to me. It felt as though it were for the first time, and I supposed in some ways it was.

"Emily Dickenson! How did you know I wanted this? How did you ever find it?" I loosened my grip, but did not release her as I looked into her beautiful eyes smiling back at me.

"I knew you wanted it because I know everything about you, Alice Brandon, as you do me. As for how I found it, you should know by now, I can find anything. I could track a falcon on a cloudy day." My happiness and need overtook my sense of propriety and I chanced a soft, chaste kiss to her lips, which she thankfully returned. I leaned my forehead against hers and held her hands in her lap as we both silently contemplated our newfound feelings for one another. I no longer loved Alice as my best friend, as a pseudo-sister, or even just as a companion. We were in love with every fiber of our beings.

I ran my fingers through her hair, twirling the end of a lock between my thumb and forefinger. "Do you like it? It looks pretty, I think, but I can't run my fingers through it the way I used to."

"You look beautiful, my love. I suppose I'll just have to let my hair grow out so you can run your fingers through mine, instead," I teased. Alice gasped in shock at my forwardness and I laughed. I didn't care about rules and rituals, I didn't care about Michael Chadwick, I didn't care about anything except the fact that the woman I loved was sitting next to me, and she loved me, too. Never in my life had I felt such peace as I did then. I vowed in that moment to keep her near me always.

_~End Flashback~_

Alice's gasp distracted me from my story, so consumed in the memory as I was. I looked up to see her release Jasper's hands and put her fingers on her lips. She remembered our kiss. She remembered the love we shared, the love that scorched my veins still. Alice's eyes clouded in another vision and she sprung away from Jasper, looking horrified.

Edward immediately jumped from his place next to Bella. "I think we need a break from this. Jasper, let's you and I go hunting. The others can keep an eye on James. Now."

"No," Jasper growled, looking ready to pounce at me. Edward put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Yes." Edward commanded calmly. "We won't go far." Jasper stood and led Edward towards the door, but not before turning to me.

"Touch her and die, understand?" Jasper growled at me. I nodded and they walked out the door.

"I'm assuming that Jasper was picking up on our emotions and you had a vision of him losing control in some way?" I asked Alice without passing judgement.

"Yes. It was…not pretty," Alice replied mournfully. She glanced at Bella and I understood. If Jasper attacked me, innocent bystanders would have been hurt as well. No wonder Edward was in such a rush to get him out of there.

"Would you like me to follow them? I could reassure him that my intentions are honorable. Or, I could just let him take his frustrations out on me in the relative safety of the woods for a while, if you would prefer." When Alice looked at me, confused by my willingness to let her husband beat me up, I continued. "It is completely understandable, my dear. If I were in his shoes, I would have reacted the exact same way. In fact, I did once."

**A/N: Chocolate sauce looks really good when it's running down James' washboard abs...Really. Really. Good.**

**A few of my stories have been nominated for Eddie and Bellie awards. A Lesson in Release has been nominated for Best Novel and the S. Meyer award for best grammar, punctuation and spelling. NCB, Inc. and Edward's Release were nominated for best multi-chapter smut. (*blushes*). Please go to http://www(dot) thecatt (dot) net/tw/Default (dot) aspx and cast your nominations, too! The stories with the most nominations move forward for the judge's consideration. THANKS!!!**


	5. Chapter 4: The lie that became a dream

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that.**

**A/N: The rating has been changed to M to be on the safe side, as this chapter has a mild lemon in it. Enjoy!**

"Alice, perhaps it would be best if we continued without waiting for Jasper and Edward. I highly doubt that he would want to hear the next part of this story, anyway." Alice tilted her head at me quizzically, then nodded for me to continue.

_~Flashback, Biloxi, Mississippi – Spring 1917 – James POV~_

I had just returned from a hunting expedition with mine and Alice's fathers. I had, of course, bagged the biggest buck. I found it and killed it before it even knew I was there. But that wasn't the reason I had a smile on my face. I had just asked Mr. Brandon for Alice's hand in marriage and received his blessing. I knew, of course, that Alice could do better than me. I was a farmer whose family made a comfortable if meager living, but I had never required much in terms of physical possessions and was content with my lot in life. Alice, on the other hand, held a higher place in society than I, and as such appreciated the finer things in life. But her father had reassured me that none of that mattered, because true love can conquer all, and never in all of time had there ever been a truer love than my love for Alice.

I fiddled with the ring nervously in my pocket when I picked her up to accompany her ballroom dancing. It was small, but then again, it would look perfect on her tiny finger. Alice looked radiant as always. Her father had lent me his automobile for the evening, and as soon as we were settled in, I stole a kiss, soft and slow and sweet. Alice and I were never one for the rules.

We had a nice dinner and spent the evening twirling on the dance floor. When we returned to her house, I asked her if she would accompany me to look at the stars in her backyard. We found ourselves leaning against a tree on the forest's edge, while Orion chided me on. I dropped to one knee in front of Alice and she gasped audibly.

"Alice, we have known each other our whole lives. When we were five years old, I told you I would marry you someday. I want to fulfill that promise. I have loved you from the time we were babes, and I will love you for all of eternity. Mary Alice Brandon, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Alice cried tears of joy and stuck her hand out to me, fingers spread wide, shaking.

"Yes, James, yes, of course I will marry you!" I was fumbling in my pocket to pull out the ring when I felt Alice's hands land on my shoulders. I looked up and her eyes were glossy, unfocused. It had been a while since I had seen her like that, but I remembered what it meant. Alice was seeing a vision.

Suddenly she screamed, looking at me as if I were a madman. She tried backing up away from me, but ran into the tree. "Oh God, no, how could you? How could you! Get away from me, you monster!" Alice knocked me down forcefully and ran past me into the house, screaming bloody murder.

I chased her into the house to find her in the arms of her very confused mother. "I saw it, mother, I saw it. James is going to kill a man, he's going to drink their blood and drop them like a sack of potatoes. I saw it!" Alice looked at me and started shrieking "Get away from me! Stay away from my family! Never come near me again!!!"

I tried to calm her down, assure her that I had killed no one, that I would never dream of such a thing, but she wouldn't listen.

"Not yet, you haven't, but you will. I had a vision, I saw everything! Now leave!" Alice pointed at the door. I looked at Mrs. Brandon pleadingly.

"Alice, honey, you're not making any sense. People don't have visions of the future. James hasn't hurt anyone. Please calm down," Mrs. Brandon's voice was tinged with panic. She looked up at me with fear in her eyes, but it wasn't fear of me, it was fear for her daughter's sanity.

"Perhaps you'd better go for now, James. Alice is obviously not feeling well this evening. You can call on her tomorrow or the next day, once she's had time to rest and put this silly nightmare behind her."

"It wasn't a nightmare, mother, it was a vision. He will do it. Don't tell him to come back. Go away, just go away." Alice was by this point having a complete breakdown. She was shaking violently and closing her eyes shut so tight her skin wrinkled in the corners. She curled knees to her chest and began rocking back and forth. "No, no, no, no, no…how could you? How could you?" Alice began chanting it over and over, crying hysterically.

"Go, it's alright," her mother mouthed to me before returning her attention to Alice. I left through the back door just in time to see Annie with a washcloth and a bowl of water. I shoved my hands in my pockets in despair as I headed for home. I felt the ring still there and prayed to God that I would one day soon be able to put it on her finger after all.

My parents convinced me to wait a week, see if we received word from the Brandons, but we had not seen or heard from anyone in all that time. Finally, I could wait no longer and went to their house. When I knocked, no one answered, so I let myself in. I found Mrs. Brandon sitting on the sofa in the parlor, half asleep. Her hair was frazzled and mussed, her eyes had dark circles around them, her clothes were so wrinkled she might have been in them for days. I knocked on the door frame and her head jerked up at me.

"Oh, James, you startled me. I did not hear you come in. Please, sit down. I'm sorry we haven't brought you news, it has been a very tiresome week for us here, I'm afraid."

"What happened? Where's my Alice?" Mrs. Brandon looked at me with sad eyes and shook her head.

"She's lost her mind. She wouldn't listen to reason and the more we tried to console her, the more erratic her behavior became. Mr. Brandon is taking her to the asylum as we speak. Annie has taken Cindy to the market to give me a little time to myself for a while. I'm so sorry, James." I bent down and kissed her cheek before running out the door and headed straight for the asylum.

When I arrived, I was told that Mr. Brandon had left the moment after he walked her in the door, not even waiting around to find out what room she was in or what was to happen to her next. He just signed the custody papers and left. He couldn't bear to see his dearest daughter go crazy. The interns there took pity on me when I told them my story and gave me permission to visit her, but as soon as she saw me, the screaming began again. Every day for two weeks, I visited her, and every day it was the same thing. Finally the doctors said that I was detrimental to her recovery and they could not allow me to visit anymore. But still I came. I knew where her room was. Luckily, it was on the first floor, they reserved the upper two floors for their more violent residents. I could see her through the bars on her window, sitting on a dirty cot, rocking back and forth much as she was the night of the vision, only now she was holding onto her Jimmy bear for dear life. I would sit in the grass on the grounds, looking in her window every day for hours on end. My parents tried to argue with me after a couple of months, insisting that I needed to return to work on the farm, have some semblance of normalcy. Finally the crazed look in my eyes convinced them that their arguments would be in vain. I would not leave my Alice, not even long enough to go to the barber. She was lost, and I promised her I would always find her. Somehow I would have to find a way to bring her back to me.

_~End Flashback~_

"How long did you live like that? Just sitting there, watching me?" Alice looked so sad. I got up and sat next to her. No one objected. She turned to face me, our knees barely touching.

"About a year. You deteriorated with every passing day, just screaming and pulling at your hair until your beautifully coifed bob was a spiky mess." I ran my fingers through her hair with a chuckle. She didn't jerk away from my touch, just looked up at my hand through the corner of her eye and chuckled back. I put my hands back into my lap. "Then the doctors started you on…shock therapy treatments." Everyone in the room gasped in disbelief. "When that started, you quit talking, quit shaking, quit rocking back and forth. You just sat there, staring into space, docile and emotionless. I bribed one of the night guards to let me in to see you. You didn't scream when you saw me then. You didn't even acknowledge my presence. So after that my weeks consisted of watching you from your window during the day, then sitting holding your hand through the night."

Alice shuddered violently. "I remember the treatments. I remember the thick leather straps they used to tie me down, I fought so hard but it did no good. I remember the rubber ball they put into my mouth. It tasted terrible. I remember the pain. It was worse than the change, electricity searing my body. I remember the smell in the room after they were done, like lightning and burnt hair." Alice pulled her knees up to her chest and started rocking on the couch. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let her do this again.

I pulled Alice into my lap and heard Rosalie growl. I looked at her sternly and turned my attention back to Alice. "No, Alice, you're not doing this to me again. I won't let you." I pulled her hands away from her knees and held them with one hand while I forced her legs down into a seated position with the other. Then I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her against my chest. She buried her head in the crook of my neck and shook violently. "Shhh, Alice, it's alright. They're long gone, now. They can't hurt you anymore." I stroked her hair soothingly as she sobbed. I whispered in her ear. "I know, baby, it's alright now. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. You don't have to hear anymore if you don't want. Come on, baby, don't do this. Shhhh, don't cry." Alice wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me tighter against her. "I know, baby, I know. It's over." I kissed her cheek and felt her press into my lips.

"I knew you were there. I couldn't speak, but I knew you were there. I remember feeling your hand in mine, being aware of you sitting on the floor by my bed and thinking you were my only anchor to reality, my only refuge from the pain."

"I'm glad I helped somehow, Alice. I never knew that, never saw anything in your eyes to tell me you were still there. At least, not until the night you came back to me. Do you remember that night?"

Alice looked as though she were in deep concentration, but then her face took on a look of realization as the memory returned to her. She sucked in a deep breath with a slight hiss. "I lied to Jasper," she whispered, her voice so full of conflicting emotions I couldn't decipher one from the other. "I told him he was my first."

"You didn't lie, Alice. You just didn't remember. More importantly, you were never sure it was real." I looked deep in her eyes and caressed her cheek with my thumb. She didn't shy away.

_~Flashback – Biloxi, Mississippi – Summer 1918 – James POV~_

It started out like any other night. The guard I bribed with produce from my parent's farm snuck me in the back door and into her room. Alice was sitting on the bed, hugging her bear, staring at a non-existent spot on the wall. I kissed her forehead and sat on the ground beside her, holding her hand, preparing to read to her as I did every night until we both fell asleep. Suddenly she squeezed my hand. I looked up at her and she was smiling at me. "James," she breathed.

"Yes, my love, it's me!" I couldn't contain my enthusiasm. I jumped up on the bed and hugged her. I cried happy tears when she didn't scream or try and push me away. I pulled back and looked into her eyes. Something still didn't seem quite right but I pushed it aside. Alice was awake, and she was happy to see me. I bent down to kiss her lips and she wrapped her arms around me, kissing me with more passion than we'd ever kissed before. She brushed her tongue across my lower lip and I gasped in shock. Alice slipped her tongue in my mouth and I moaned. My hands took on a life of their own, exploring her hair, her back, her arms as our kiss deepened and grew. I was out of my mind with need. As Alice straddled my lap and pushed herself against me, not once removing her lips from mine, something in the back of my mind screamed that this was wrong, but I couldn't stop. I had missed her so much, and I was hungry, like a starving man who's suddenly had a magnificent feast spread before him. I wanted nothing else but to gorge myself on her love, and it seemed she felt the same.

Alice pushed my suspenders off my shoulders and I slunk my arms out of them before returning my hands to her back, running up and down her spine, pulling her shoulders towards mine as I began kissing her neck. Alice began frantically undoing the buttons on my shirt and I was helpless against her. I knew it was wrong on so many levels, but I couldn't stop. I needed her like the fish need water. I lifted her chemise over her head and bathed in the glow of my angel when I saw her bare breasts, quivering in the moonlight, her nipples pink and firm with anticipation. I took one into my mouth and licked it with my tongue. This time it was my Alice's turn to moan as she pressed herself against my mouth. I kissed my way to the other side and did it again.

Alice reached down and unbuttoned my trousers and I lifted her off of me so I could stand and remove them. I laid her down and gently caressed her body with my fingertips as I kissed her and told her over and over again how much I loved her. I slowly slid my hand over her fevered core and she bucked her hips against my hand. I knelt before her and slowly removed the dingy white cotton before spreading her legs and settling between them. Alice spread her legs wider and ground her hips against my arousal. I kissed her chastely on the lips as I pressed into her entrance.

"I love you, Alice, more than you'll ever know." She moaned in pain as I took her innocence. I started to pull out, horrified I'd caused her pain but she wrapped her legs against me and held me in place. After a few moments her hips started moving again and I began slowly stroking in and out of her. The feeling of being one with her was euphoric, and not just in a sexual way. I had my love back, she had found her way back to me and we could be together again. As I slowly thrust into her, I fantasized about checking her out of that god forsaken place, of us getting married and having children, of us basking in the sun with a glass of lemonade while we watched them play tag. I saw our whole lives flash before my eyes as I released into her.

Spent, I laid down beside her and pulled her to me. She welcomed my embrace and sighed. I smiled into her hair as I kissed the top of her head. My soul knew peace for the first time since that fateful night. But the next four words she spoke would cut me more deeply than any knife ever could.

"Such a nice dream," she murmured against my chest as she kissed my chest and drifted to sleep.

**A/N: Okay, since I changed the rating to M, I can make James do whatever I want for my reviewers now...any suggestions?**


	6. Chapter 5: Rejected

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that.**

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta, readingtime.**

_~Present Day~_

Esme gasped, "Oh how sad!" She grabbed Carlisle's hand, which was resting on her shoulder as he stood behind her, and pulled him down to her for comfort.

Emmett seemed truly sympathetic. "Dude, that sucks! You must have felt like total shit after that."

"That's putting it mildly, Emmett." I chuckled, but there was no mirth in my laugh. "You can't imagine the level of guilt I felt over it, and still feel. Even if it was the single most wonderful night of my life." I smiled ruefully.

Even Rosalie seemed a little softer around the edges. "You didn't know, right, that she didn't think you were really there?" Her voice was quivering a bit.

"No, of course not. I never would have done it, otherwise. I took her virtue and gave her mine in return because I thought my Alice had come back to me. It was supposed to be the beginning of a new future for us. In a way, it was. Just not the one I was hoping for." I turned to look at Alice, who was still sitting on my lap with her arms wrapped tightly around me. "Are you alright? Do you want to sit back down on the couch?" I rubbed my hand up and down her arm, hoping to calm her; desperately needing the contact to soothe us both.

Alice shook her head and whispered, "Not just yet."

"Shall I continue or have you heard enough? I am only doing this for you, my dear. Understand? Anytime you say the word, I will stop."

Alice laid her head back down on my shoulder, pressing her forehead into the crook of my neck. "Continue, please." I gave her a tight squeeze and left my arms around her. I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed in her scent, felt every cell of her skin that was touching mine. This would be the image I would hold in my mind's eye when Jasper grants my request and destroys me. The memory of this moment will be my salvation in the hell that surely waits for me in the afterlife. I laid my cheek atop her head and began again.

_~Fall, 1918 – Biloxi, Mississippi – James POV~_

I returned to my previous routine of watching her from outside her window during the day, and sneaking into her room at night. We would talk. I would read poetry to her. Sometimes I would bring her my mother's Ladies Home Journal or the Sears catalog so she could look at all the pretty things. Annie would come visit me as I sat outside sometimes, and if she brought me apples I would wait until we were together so I could share them with her. But we were never intimate again, outside of a kiss I couldn't resist giving her before I left each morning just before dawn. Even that I felt guilty for, because Alice was lost to me. Her mind was no longer anchored in reality. I was James to her, but a dream version of me she always thought she created in her mind, like an imaginary friend. Sometimes she would act as though we were picnicking in her backyard, and I would pretend along with her. In that manner, we could both escape the torment that had overtaken our lives, even if only for a little while. Alice would tell me she loved me and that she was sorry that she chased me away, and I would hold her in my arms and promise her that I would never, ever leave her.

It was about three months later that I began to notice a strange man visiting Alice during the day. He was tall with broad shoulders, black hair and the palest skin I had ever seen. It occurred to me that he must not see the light of day often. In fact, I noticed that he did not visit her on sunny days. When I would question her about this man, she had no idea who he was. To her, he was just part of the asylum that she blocked from her mind so well. At first he would just sit on the bed and talk to her. Every once in a while I would see him lean towards her and close his eyes, breathing deeply, but never touching her. Still, his attention seemed less than honorable to me and my jealousy was building day by day. The night guard had no idea who he was, and no one matching his description was employed by the hospital. I couldn't fathom how he got into her room every day undetected if he was not an employee. One day he looked out her window and our eyes met. He was showing me that he knew I was there, and he wasn't frightened of me. I, however, was terrified of him. Both for myself and for Alice. His eyes were glowing red, like hot embers from a fire.

Then the man began to get bolder, and my rage overtook my fear. I would see him nuzzling his nose in her hair, or along her jawline, kissing her neck and collarbone. Alice didn't respond to him, but she didn't fight him off, either, just kept staring at the wall in front of her. I was determined to find him and make sure he knew that Alice was mine and tell him in no uncertain terms to back off. It took me a while. First I would wait for him to leave her room and then I would rush to one of the four exits, one on each side of the building. I never caught him. Then, somehow I knew which door he left, but I would have to beat him to it, so I went to that side of the building and hid in the bushes as soon as he went in her room. I saw the door open and he hesitated in the doorway, but then disappeared back into the building. I realized he must have known I was there, so the next day I hid farther away, behind a tree, and followed him after he left.

He walked to a house on the outskirts of town that everyone thought had been abandoned. He went to the back porch and waited. I decided to take my opportunity and rushed him, hoping to knock him off balance, but it was like running into a stone wall and I fell backwards. I dislocated my shoulder and screamed in pain, but managed to get back up. I looked into his face and felt real terror for the first time in my life. The man smiled, as if he knew I was afraid and he liked it.

"Leave her alone…" I stammered with the last shred of bravery I possessed. "Alice is mine. I love her."

The man grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me clean off the ground. "She's fascinating, and smells delicious. I'm not sure I can let her go. But I give you marks for bravery, so I propose a trade. Your life in exchange for hers." Something in his blood red eyes told me he spoke the truth, and suddenly the fear was gone. I met his gaze and calmly replied.

"I accept your terms." The next thing I knew the man had grabbed my hair, which had grown quite long, and pulled my head to the side. I thought he was going to snap my neck, but instead he attacked it with his mouth, biting my jugular. I felt my life draining away, and closed my eyes, seeing only Alice's face. Just as everything was fading to black, I heard a noise in the distance, and the man growled against my throat and threw me against the wall before disappearing. Then the burning began. I had several broken bones and was so weak I didn't think I would make it, but somehow I managed to crawl inside the abandoned house, hoping to find help. I found nothing. Somehow I tumbled down the stairs into the cellar. I stayed there for three days as the fire consumed my body. I felt my blood boil and then curdle, turning solid. I felt my heart pound against my ribcage as it struggled to force the ever thicker fluid through my veins until it finally collapsed from the effort and ceased to beat at all. Then suddenly the pain was gone. I opened my eyes and found that although it was dark, I could see perfectly. I heard a squeak and pounced on a rat, biting it and draining its blood dry before my mind even acknowledged that I had moved. My throat still burned, throbbed. It reminded me of the after effects of drinking moonshine, only a thousand times more powerful. I left the house, not understanding what was happening to me. I only knew I was thirsty. And angry. Very, very angry.

I walked along the side of the street away from the abandoned house and back towards town when along came none other than Michael Chadwick driving a Model T Ford. I stepped in front of his automobile and he stopped. Something inside me knew it wouldn't have mattered if he tried to run me over or not. It was intoxicating, the power surging through my body as thoughts of revenge for every cruel act this miserable excuse for a man had ever inflicted upon Alice and me only served to fuel my thirst. I rushed to the side of the car and he gasped, undoubtedly thinking I had simply disappeared and then reappeared at his side. I ripped the door from its hinges and pulled him from the car. I didn't bother to waste a single word on him before I drained him dry and dropped his corpse in the ditch.

_~End Flashback~_

"My vision had finally come true," Alice sobbed. I nodded my head.

"I must admit, I still feel very little remorse over his death, although I know I should. My main regret was that your vision of that day caused the dominos to tumble the way that they did." Alice scooted off of my lap then. I sighed, already missing the weight of her on my legs, but knew it was to be expected. She still held my hand, though, squeezing it tightly, and for that I was grateful.

_~Fall 1918 – Biloxi, Mississippi – James POV~_

I went to the asylum to check on Alice, and was happy to see the man had kept his word, and was gone without a trace. How I managed to not kill her that day I'll never know. Then the men came to take her to her next shock therapy treatment. Alice screamed my name and begged me not to let them hurt her again. I knew I could not just barge in there, but I needed to kill them, for so many reasons. So I planned and strategized. Over the next four days, I tracked down every nurse and doctor who had subjected her to their savagery and introduced them to my own. I made sure they knew who was killing them and why. I enjoyed the fear I brought them. It made their hearts race, which shot their blood down my throat all that much faster.

News of their deaths came quickly, and words like serial killer cluttered the papers. My name was listed as missing and presumed dead. I went into hiding at the abandoned house where I had been turned. I stayed there for a week, but finally, when the house was utterly rat free and I could bear the thirst no longer, I ran to neighboring towns to feed on whatever human caught my attention. I was smarter about it, now. I tried to focus on individuals who would not be noticed missing right away, and would hide their bodies before running back to the house. This continued for over a year until the newborn bloodlust began to settle. I would not go to the asylum. I was so afraid my thirst would overtake me. But I thought of my Alice every moment of every day. Finally, when I felt that I was strong enough, I started planning a new life for Alice and myself. I began testing my control around humans in a small town called Waveland, about 40 miles away from Biloxi, until I found that I could be in their presence for an extended period of time without lunging for one of them. I used the money I had taken from the remains of my meals and bought us a small house on the outskirts of town.

It was the Spring of 1920 when I returned to asylum to break Alice free. I waited in the shadows for nightfall, feeling hopeful for the first time since the day I had died. But there was nothing but more horror and pain awaiting me. I reached the asylum just before dusk. I snuck in the side door, now understanding how that mystery man had gone undetected. I reached Alice's room and burst open the door with a smile on my face. A smile that froze as that same monster who had taken my life in exchange for Alice's had his mouth at her neck, her blood dripping down his face. He lifted his head and dropped her to the bed.

"You promised to leave her alone!" I screamed and didn't care who heard me.

"You did not uphold your part of the bargain, sir. You are clearly still walking the earth, are you not?" He sneered at me. I lunged for him as I had once before, but this time I was stronger. I ripped the monster to shreds and threw his pieces in the furnace. I had no idea that was the only way to permanently destroy him. I was merely trying to destroy the evidence of his demise. I returned to my Alice and licked her wound, fighting the urge to finish what he had started. She started to moan in pain and so I scooped her up and ran all the way to our new home. I took her to the cellar and sat with her those three days, wiping cool cloths on her head and saying soothing words in her ear, promising her that it would be over soon, that it would be okay and we would be together.

Her heart stopped beating and my breath caught in my chest, not knowing if she were truly dead. When Alice opened her crimson eyes I thought my dead heart had begun to beat again. My joy lasted but a brief second in time, though. Alice looked at me in confusion, her hands to her throat.

"It's me, James. Do you remember me?" She shook her head violently, then started scanning the room, terrified, looking for an exit. I grabbed her wrist, more tightly than I should have.

"Do you remember who you are? Do you remember what happened to you?" She shook her head again. "Your name is Alice. Your throat is burning because you are thirsty. Come with me, and I will help you."

I took her by the hand and she followed me wordlessly. I found a drunken man in an alleyway and broke his neck quickly, biting him and taking a quick drink to show her how before holding him out to my Alice. "Here, drink, you'll feel better."

I expected her to be ravenous, as I had been when I chanced across Michael Chadwick, or any of the others that followed him for that matter. I expected her to rip the dead man from my arms and drain his life force to feed her own. She didn't. She glanced at my prey and swallowed hard. Then she looked at me like I was a monster, her eyes wide with shock and terror, and for the second and final time in my horrid life, my Alice ran away from me, screaming.

**A/N: James is now completely in the nude, sprawled out over a gorgeous four poster bed with red satin sheets, just waiting for my wonderful reviewers to comfort him! Volunteers, anyone?**


	7. Chapter 6: Death of a Doppleganger

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that.**

**A/N: This is a rather dark, intense chapter that has most definitely earned its M rating. Proceed with caution... My thanks as always to the most wonderful beta in the world, readingtime.**

_~Present Day~_

"That's the last time you ever saw me, until that day in the baseball field." I squeezed Alice's hand and started to stand. Alice tugged me back down, not letting go of my hand.

"But the story's not over, is it?" Alice asked. "What happened to you after I left?" Oh holy hell. This was not part of the plan. The plan was to tell her the story of her human life and how she became a vampire, then ask the Cullens to kill me for attacking Bella, and be done with it. I hoped that Alice would remember, and that when she thought of me in years to come, it was the happy memories of the James she used to know that came to mind, not the madman in the ballet studio.

"Alice, that is another story, entirely, and one I'm quite certain you do not want to hear, nor do I particularly care to tell it. Sufficed to say that my existence went…downhill…from there." I kissed her forehead, hoping that it would end the conversation, that I could just retrieve her belongings from my car and meet my end the way I had intended.

"I want to know, James." Alice's eyes were soft, pleading, loving even. "I remember now. I remember loving you. I remember you loving me and my family, your kind heart. I remember everything. I know with certainty that the person I see in my mind is not the same person who attacked Bella. What happened to you after I ran away? What turned you into…" Alice's voice drifted off, not wanting to finish her sentence.

"…a monster? It's okay, Alice, you can say it. I did turn into a monster, of the worst kind." If I was going to tell this part of the story, it was better I moved away from her before I did. I kissed her cheek and stood again to sit in the chair I had been in when I had started. I looked at each face before me before I began.

"What I tell you know is not a pretty tale, and not something I am proud of. But I take responsibility for the things I've done, for the monster I became." I focused on Bella last. "I thank you, Bella, for showing me that I didn't have to be that way. I beg your forgiveness."

Bella nodded her head. "I forgive you." If only all of my other sins were so easily forgiven as that one.

Well_, if I am on my way to hell, I might as well give a full confession before I go_. I turned back to Alice. "I followed you. Your whole life, I have followed you. At first, I told myself it was for fear of your safety. Really, I was just watching, waiting for the day when you would remember and look for me so I could step out of the shadows and say 'Here I am!' But that day never came, and over time I think my need and desire for it drove me insane.

I watched when you fed from a deer for the first time, and waited nervously to see how it would affect you. I was overjoyed when it seemed to sustain you, and began to do the same. It didn't taste as good, not that you would ever know that, but I was more than happy to do it. I had hoped when you remembered me and we were reunited, you would see that my eyes were the same color as yours and forgive me for those I had killed before I knew there was another way.

I followed you back to our house, and watched as you took some money out of my wallet and some of the clothes I had bought for you before you left. I didn't mind. You invested the money you took wisely, because of your gift, I'm sure, and so I would mirror your investments with my own. When I became well enough off, I took a large portion of the money I made and set up an anonymous endowment for Cindy and her offspring, making sure they'd be taken care of for generations to come."

"Cindy's offspring? Is she alive? Did she have children?" Alice perked up and her eyes sparkled.

"Cindy married and had a little girl. She named her Mary after you. Cindy passed away about 20 years ago. She lived a long and happy life. I visited her in the nursing home just before she died." When I went to visit Cindy, she thought I was a hallucination. I laughed at the irony of it. Why did none of the Brandon women ever believe I was real? "Mary still lives in Biloxi, not far from the house you grew up in. She is married now has two children of her own now. They are both in college and are doing quite well for themselves. I have all their information. I'll give it to you." Alice nodded vehemently.

"It sounds as though you were alright after Alice left, James. Maybe not happy, but alright. When did it change?" Bella asked. Jasper and Edward re-entered the house and took their places next to Alice and Bella. Perfect timing.

"Well, it was getting worse by the day. I had followed her across the country and was becoming increasingly depressed, watching Alice from afar but never being able to talk to her, hold her, tell her I love her. I had finally made up my mind that I was going to approach her, try again. That was the day my life truly ended."

_~Summer 1948 – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – James POV~_

I was standing outside, in the rain, when I saw Alice sitting at the counter inside a diner, holding a cup of coffee between her hands. She looked even lovelier than ever, radiant even. But she seemed nervous, too, as though she were waiting for something and was starting to wonder if it wasn't going to happen. I was trying to talk myself into going inside, but I was frozen in place, so afraid she would reject me again, that my mere presence would terrify her once more. Then I saw him. Another vampire, with blond hair and red eyes. A human drinker. Scars marred every inch of flesh I could see. I stepped back into the shadows so he wouldn't see me. When he walked into the diner, I panicked. I moved closer, ready to attack if he tried to harm Alice. Alice was smiling from ear to ear, hopped off her stool and walked right up to him.

"You've kept me waiting a long time," she cooed.

The red-eyed vampire ducked his head down in apology. "I'm sorry, ma'am." The shock and anger that ran through my system when Alice took his hand was a force to be reckoned with. They left the diner hand in hand and Alice was prattling on about a vision she had of them joining a coven as they disappeared from my sight.

She left with _him_, that hideous vampire covered in bite marks. I couldn't believe it. She ran away from me screaming in terror, me who did nothing my ENTIRE life but love and protect her. I, who willingly gave my life and got condemned to this godforsaken hell on earth for her, was thrown away like yesterday's garbage, not even worth remembering. But not him, who has obviously fought, obviously killed, drinks human blood. She ran into his open arms 30 seconds after they met, kissing and holding him as if they were long time lovers. I was beyond furious. I was Rage. I needed to feed, and now. Only this time I wasn't going to deny myself what I truly needed. Why bother feeding on animals, never truly being satisfied? I had only done it for her, and look what good it did me. Her new love's red eyes didn't frighten her, his diet didn't send her screaming into the street. No more.

A couple walked by me then. A petite girl with long black hair and eyes like the sea after a storm. She reminded me so much of Alice. The gentleman she was walking with bent down to whisper something in her ear and she giggled. He was obviously smitten with her. He was such a fool. She would break his heart. She was no different from the rest. I decided I would show this man what his woman really was. I would do him a favor and prove to him just how fickle women really were.

I knew how to lure them. It was twilight and there were no other people around. It was easy. I sped to the next alley they would pass and called for help as they walked by. The man would not refuse. The man left her on the streetcorner as he went into the alley in an attempt to be a good Samaritan. I liked him. I wanted to save him from this wretched girl who would take his heart and leave him broken and alone. I quickly broke both his legs below the knee and he screamed. I didn't want to permanently injure him, but needed to ensure he wasn't going anywhere before I showed him what he needed to see. I ran and grabbed the girl who was now screaming and covered her mouth with my hand as I dragged her back into the dark alley.

"Please don't hurt her, I'll do anything," the man whimpered, struggling to not scream from the pain. I felt bad for a moment but then I looked at the girl, who could have been Alice's doppelganger, and remembered my purpose.

"Stay still and don't make a sound if you want to live," I warned the man. "I'm about to do you a favor. I'm about to show you just what type of whore your girl here really is."

I kept one hand over her mouth and I ripped her clothes to shreds with the other. Her nipples were already turning hard for me. Dirty whore. I leaned in and licked her earlobe. "You want this, don't you? Admit it." She whimpered and shook her head slightly beneath my hand. "Admit it!" This time she remained motionless, crocodile tears starting to run over my hand. She was a good actress, I'd give her that.

I run my hand down her neck, to her luscious, round breasts. Small, like Alice's, and just as perky. "Don't make a sound," I warned her as I slowly removed my hand from her face. She didn't scream, she just stood there, shaking. I knew she wanted it. I glanced back at the man she'd enchanted. He was crying, too, and staring in her eyes. He'd thank me for this later.

I turned my attention back to my pseudo-Alice. I took her nipple into my mouth and sucked roughly. She gasped a breath and tried to grab my head, but I took her wrists and held her hands at her side. I licked and nibbled until I tasted the smallest amount of blood, and sucked even harder. It took a lot of control to not kill her then. I did the same to her other nipple, hungrily milking more of her blood into my mouth from the knick on her nipple. She was mewling then, muttering, 'no,no, don't do this,' but her body told the truth her words did not. I could smell her arousal.

I let go of one wrist and when she didn't move her hand again, I went straight for her core. She was dripping wet.

"Oh, Alice, so ready for me already? I knew you'd like this, you little bitch." I kicked her legs further apart and she slid down the wall a little. I thrust three fingers into her and she bit her lip to hold back the scream. I started rubbing her clit hard with my thumb, felt her juices flowing over my fingers. I kept sucking the blood from her nipple, my arousal making it harder and harder to stay in control.

"No, God, please, no. Please stop," she begged, but I could feel her clit throbbing and knew it was only a matter of time. I looked over my shoulder at the man, who was now holding his head down in shame.

"Watch her," I growled. "See how she writhes for me, see what a whore she is. She doesn't love you, she's just using you. Watch her and you'll see." I keep thrusting my fingers into her core as I crouched in front of her and took her clit into my mouth. She grabbed my hair then, whether in an attempt to stop me or egg me on, I couldn't tell. It didn't matter. I bit down on her clit and she moaned. The blood trickled from yet another tiny knick and I sucked on it with fervor until her body shuttered and throbbed and she threw her head back moaning as the orgasm wracked her body.

I stood up with a grin of satisfaction. I'd proved to him she was no good. None of them were. But by that point my control was gone. I undid my pants and slammed into her hot, wet sex, grabbing both of her breasts roughly, pinching and twisting her nipples as I pounded into her. Her head thrashed back and forth and her tears flowed more freely than before. She'd broken skin when she had bit her lower lip, and I sucked it into my mouth. There was more blood there than from the tiny wounds I had inflicted, and it caused a frenzy to explode in me.

"You…love…this…don't…you…Alice," I asked her between thrusts, each one harder than the one before. "You…love…making…me…suffer!" With the last word, I heard a snapping sound as her pelvic bone shattered from the force of my thrusts. She gasped and her lower body went limp. I held her up with my forearms as I continued pounding into her. Her head fell on my shoulder as she passed out. Her hot breath on my neck sent me over the edge and with one final thrust, I came hard and deep into her with a loud growl.

As my body relaxed from my orgasm, I started to smell the blood seeping onto my lower body from where I'd broken her. That would simply not do. I bit into her jugular and sucked out every last drop of precious nectar before any more could be wasted.

When I was finished, I dropped her to the ground and wiped myself off with the remains of her dress before tossing them towards her pretty head. The man had now crawled to me, leaving two bloody trails behind him as he tugged at my pants leg.

"Please kill me. Please. I don't want to live anymore, not like this. Not without her." I cocked my head to the side and eyed him curiously. Didn't he learn anything? Didn't he understand that I did him a favor? No, it would seem he didn't. I decided I would grant him his request, and broke his neck mercifully before drinking him in. The next one would be smarter. The next one would learn. I was no longer Rage. I was Vengeance, and I had a mission.

~End Flashback~

My attention was solely on Alice, so I wasn't expecting it when I was knocked backwards in the chair to the ground. I looked up to find Rosalie lunging on top of me, snarling and snapping as Emmett tried to pull her off.

"You bastard! I'll rip you apart! Emmett, let me go!"

**A/N: Under the circumstances, I think an NCB appearance may be inappropriate for this particular chapter. Review anyway and I'll make it up to you next update!**


	8. Chapter 7: Forgiveness

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. You knew that.**

**A/N: As always, thank you to my fabulous beta, readingtime. I love you more than chocolate. This chapter is dedicated to changedbyEdward, who always knows just what to say.**

The next few moments happened very quickly. Emmett pulled Rosalie off of me and dragged her outside. Esme stood up and glared at me. "Carlisle, I want him out of our house. Now." She stormed off in the direction of the kitchen. Carlisle followed after Esme, leaving just the five of us. Bella looked like she was about to cry. Edward was trying to sooth her, whispering that they hadn't touched her and never would. Apparently, Bella had been attacked by someone other than me. I turned my head towards Jasper, who was growling again.

"James, perhaps you and I should finish our conversation elsewhere," Alice stood and started to walk towards me.

Jasper sprung up from his seat. "You are not going to go with him, alone, are you? Did you hear everything he just said?! He intentionally raped and killed a woman for no other reason than that she looked like you!"

"I heard everything he said, Jasper. I am going to go for a walk with James. He isn't going to hurt me, but I don't want what he has to say upset anyone else, either, including you." Jasper's jaw dropped in disbelief. "I'll be fine. Trust me," she implored him.

"No, Alice, not alone. He knows how your visions work. He could manipulate them if he wanted to. If you won't let me go with you, will you at least take Edward?" Alice looked to me for my consent and I nodded my head.

Alice looked to Edward. "Edward, would you like to come with us?" Edward kissed Bella's forehead and stood up. "I'm going to ask you ahead of time to keep your opinions and your hands to yourself. You're just coming along as a silent chaperone, understood?" He motioned with his hand for us to exit, and followed silently behind us.

We skirted past Rosalie, who was still violently thrashing in Emmett's arms. "So, do you mind if I ask why you were the one who had the calmest reaction to my story? I would have expected you to be the one acting like Rosalie."

Alice sighed. "Rosalie was brutally raped repeatedly and left for dead when Carlisle turned her. Bella was attacked by four men in Port Angeles and if Edward hadn't shown up when he did, I'm sure she would have suffered a similar fate. Esme is very maternal towards us, and the story upset her because she could see how it was upsetting all of us. Not to mention that her human husband was not the kindest man. So as you can see, your little tale managed to bring up a lot of bad memories in all of the Cullen women."

"Alice, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Alice looked at me, neither accusing nor forgiving. "So were there others like that girl, the one who looked like me? Is that how you spent the rest of your days?" Her tone was harsh, and I could tell she was afraid to learn the answer to her own question.

"Yes, there were others. Not all of them looked like you, but all of them reminded me of you in some way."

"How many?" I took a deep breath.

"Twenty two." Alice gasped in shock.

"Alice, remember that I started feeding from humans after you left with Jasper. In comparison to the number of people I've killed, that is a very small percentage."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?!"

"No. I suppose not."

"Why?"

"I followed you after you left with Jasper. For almost sixty years I have followed you. So many times over the years I would feel like I was getting over it, getting over you, and then something would happen and I would crash back into depression. That's when it happened. I would see a couple madly in love and something in the girl would remind me of you and something in my mind would snap. The madness would take over and wouldn't let go until they were dead. I poured all my heartbreak, all my love and all my hate, into that act until I couldn't bear it another second and then I would kill them. I convinced myself that I was doing their men a favor, saving them from the inevitable heartbreak. I see now that it was just an excuse. Victoria and Laurent tried to help me, but I was beyond help."

"Victoria. Is she your mate?" I thought I heard a hint of jealousy in her voice, but I was sure that was just my imagination running away with me.

"Victoria was one of the 22 girls that I killed. She reminded me of you, not in looks or appearance; it was her laugh. It was so light and carefree, just like yours."

_~Flashback, Rochester, New York – Spring 1968 – James' POV~_

Married. Alice married Jasper. She actually did it. I stood in the shadows, just beyond their senses, where I have spent the last 10 years of my miserable life, and watched the whole thing. She looked so beautiful, so happy in her white flowing gown and flowers in her hair as she walked beneath the floral archway on Carlisle's arm. Alice never did do anything halfway. Jasper was waiting for her, smiling modestly. It should have been me. I could feel the darkness creeping in on me once more. I held the ring I had bought Alice so many years ago in my hand when Jasper put his ring on her tiny finger. My ring would not sparkle in the shadows. It had no light to feed it, to make it shine. It was dull, dead. Just like me. When the minister told Jasper he could kiss the bride, he took her in his arms and dipped her. The tinkling bells of her laugh pierced my heart. While the rest of the Cullens threw rose petals in the air as the newlyweds made their way back up the aisle, I slunk back and retreated. I couldn't take any more.

I walked through the streets, lost in thought, desperately trying to think of something to keep the rage from taking over once more. I thought of Cindy and her family. Her daughter that looked so much like Alice. My Alice. I shook my head to clear the pain. It didn't work. I went to the bank and checked on my accounts, transferred some more money into her trust fund. It didn't make me feel any better. I struggled to think of something, anything but Alice.

I roamed the streets a while longer and heard a guitar being placed in the distance. I followed it. There was a street performer sitting on the sidewalk, his guitar case open in front of him while he strummed his guitar, singing a touching folk song. _Time is on the run, time is in the singing, songs that must be sung…_ Time. I have nothing but time. If Alice were with me, I would embrace eternity with open arms. But now, eternity was nothing more than an endless stream of pain and misery. Then I heard it. That bright, tinkling laugh. I spun around, looking for Alice, but she wasn't there. My eyes focused on the girl sitting next to the guitar player. Long, flame red hair, curly and wild, blew in the breeze. A daisy was pushed into her hair just above her ear. She even smelled a little like Alice. Her sundress puddled around her as she sat cross-legged on the sidewalk, her head flung back in joy. Teasing that poor, stupid boy as she sang along with him, smiling coyly. He looked over at her and kissed her cheek as he continued to play. People walked around me to throw coins into his case as I stood and stared. The more she laughed, the angrier I became. I went into a diner nearby where I could watch them more discreetly and waited for them to pack up their belongings. I followed them until I the opportunity arose for me to grab them by their throats and drag them into an alley. I threw the boy to the ground.

"Watch. I will show you what a whore this woman really is. She doesn't love you. She will break your heart. Watch and learn." I grabbed the girl by the hair and turned her head to the side. The venom pooled in my throat as I waited for the scream. I wanted to hear her scream. I needed to hear it. But it didn't come. She stared at me with sorrow and pity in her eyes.

"Someone's hurt you, haven't they? Someone made you this way." I growled at her, but she just continued, her voice soft, beautiful. She was accepting, not passing judgement. "This isn't who you are. You are better than this. Let go of your pain. Let the past stay in the past." I couldn't take it anymore. I sunk my teeth in her throat and began to drink. She reached her arm up and curled her fingers into my hair, caressing my scalp. I broke away to shake her hand off me. I didn't deserve her touch.

"Please, not my sister! Please, sir!" the boy cried. Sister? An image of Cindy flashed into my mind. I looked down at the girl in my arms. She put her hand on my cheek and kissed me softly. Against my will, my lips returned her kiss, so innocent and kind.

"I forgive you," she said before she shrieked in pain as the burn began. Her brother began crying "No, no, no…"

I bent down to whisper in her ear. "I'm so sorry. Please try not to scream. You will want to say goodbye to your brother. It will be alright. I promise. I'm so sorry."

I shifted her so I could hold her with one arm and offered the boy my free hand. He accepted it hesitantly and stood. "She will not die. She will live forever, like me. I am sorry for stealing her from you. Please forgive me. You must say your goodbyes now, she won't be able to keep the screams in for long."

"I love you, Victoria." She attempted to speak, but clamped her teeth together in pain, trying to keep it all in. He kissed her forehead and looked at me wide-eyed, not understanding what had happened.

"I am certain she loves you, too. Meet me here in a week's time. I will ensure you never have to play on the street for money again. We must go now."

Victoria burned for three days, and took to her new life far easier than me or Alice had. Just like Alice, she had no memories of her human life. I had her stay at the house when I went to meet her brother. She would never have forgiven herself for killing him, even if she didn't remember that he was her brother. He refused to accept my money, but did agree to write down the story of Victoria's human life for me. He agreed to meet me in five years time in the same spot, in case he changed his mind about allowing me to help him, but when Victoria and I went to meet him, he did not show up. I do not know what happened to him after that, and Victoria did not seem interested in finding out, so I didn't press the issue.

~End Flashback~

"She and I have been intimate off and on over the years but, no, she's not my mate. I don't love her, not as anything more than a friend who tried to save me from myself. I think she wanted my heart, but I didn't have it to give her. You took it with you. Still, she was more than I deserved. Victoria stayed with me; she followed me while I followed you. She tried to get me to move on with my life, to keep me from the darkness, but she was fighting a losing battle. I wanted the darkness, the rage. It was the only thing that made sense to me anymore."

"I'm sorry, James. You didn't deserve the hand I dealt you. I remember everything now, but I'm having a hard time reconciling the man I loved, the man I still love, with the man before me now." I turned to her and took her hands in my own. Edward growled softly behind me and Alice gave him a warning glance.

"That's because I'm not the same person anymore, Alice. The James that you knew died the day you met Jasper. He'd been slowly withering away for years before that. The person before you now is not the lover you remember, and he's not the psychotic killer who attacked that girl in Philadelphia, the one who kidnapped Bella. The person before you now encompasses all of the good and all of the bad of both of those men. I can only admit my wrongdoings and beg your forgiveness."

Alice looked up at me and took one of her hands out of mine to caress my cheek. "I forgive you, James. Can you ever forgive me?"

I turned my head and kissed her palm. "There is nothing to forgive, my love." Alice let me lean into her hand and smiled.

"So, Laurent. How did he end up with you?"

"Laurent is an interesting character. Much older than me, but still afraid of the world. Victoria and I met him when we followed you to Paris. He stayed with me for protection, more than anything. I think he felt sorry for me, too. He was the one who convinced me to try and talk to you at the baseball field that day. Both he and Victoria were tired of following you around, I think."

"You came to the baseball field to talk to me?"

"Yes. I had hoped that maybe if you saw me in person, it would trigger your memories. If not, I planned on finding a way to tell you the story of your life, like I just did, only at the time I had hoped that the story would end with you rushing into my arms and forgetting all about Jasper so we could live happily ever after. I realize now that it was just a dream. I accept the fact that I have lost you forever, as much as it pains me to do so."

"But if you were there to try and reconcile with me, why did you go after Bella?" I felt rather than saw Edward's head jerk up. He had been keeping his distance, feigning ignorance to the conversation Alice and I were having. But it seemed both Alice and Edward were anxious for an answer to this particular question.

"Like I said, every time I had attacked a girl, it was because I had seen a couple who I thought were in love. When I went to the baseball field, Jasper ran to protect you, and you obviously had no clue who I was. Then I saw Edward and Bella, and the pain was too much. I just snapped. Like every other time I had attacked a girl, it was because of my jealous rage that they had something I could never have – love. With Edward and Bella it was doubly painful because he was a vampire and she was a human, much like you and I were once upon a time. I saw the way our lives should have been, the happy ending that we should have had. I saw the heartache that I feared Edward would endure, and everything went red." I turned back to look at Edward. "I know that Bella has already forgiven me, but I truly hope that you can as well. I can never tell you how sorry I am, nor how grateful for the generosity of Bella to allow me to be here today."

"Yes, well, Bella is a much more easily forgiving person than I." _Fair enough_, I thought. I returned my attention to Alice as we continued walking, hand in hand.

"Any other questions that I can answer for you?"

"No, not that I can think of. At least, not at the moment. I'm sure as time goes by I'll have a great many more questions. It's just so much to process all at once." Alice obviously thought that I intended to stay around. I needed her to understand that could never happen. I could not bear to watch her and Jasper together, especially not knowing that she remembered me and still chose him.

"I can understand that, Alice. I'm sorry, but this is the only chance you will get to ask me whatever it is you want to know." _I do not plan on being here much longer_.

Edward gasped in shock as he saw my thoughts. He grabbed me by the shirt collar and pulled me back.

"You and I need to have a talk," he growled.

**A/N: James has decided he likes butterscotch better than chocolate, but found out quickly that it's much more sticky. Anybody wanna help him clean it off?**

**A Lesson in Release has been nominated for two Eddie/Bellie Awards -- Best Completed Novel and The S. Meyer Award for Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling! NCB, Inc. has been nominated for Best Multi-Chaptered Smut (blushes)! Please vote for me today -- the link is on my profile! I'll send you all a chocolate Adonis if I win!**


	9. Chapter 8: Number 23

"_**He's someone who had a broken heart; someone who's had people in his life and ends up alone at the end of the day."**_ ~ Cam Gigandet on James

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or Cam Gigandet. I just wish I did...**

Alice looked between Edward and I for a moment, and then her eyes got hazy with a vision. "No! How could you even _think_ about that?! I will NOT allow you to kill yourself! They won't do it, you know? When I tell them I want you to live, they won't kill you. And I want you to live…" Her voice broke off and I took her by both hands, desperate to make her see.

"Alice, please try and understand. I want to die. I love you, Alice. I always have, and I always will. But I know now that we will never be together, and I just don't think I can go on like that anymore. More than that, I deserve to die. I have done horrible things, you know that. Remember Bella, stuck on the couch with her leg in a cast as we speak? That was because of me. I deserve nothing less than to let Edward and Jasper tear me apart. Or better yet, Rosalie. Let her have her retribution for what those men did to her by taking it out on me. It would be poetic irony, don't you think, considering how many women have suffered because I took my pain out on them?"

"I can't watch you die, James. I remember everything now, and I love you, too. I do. It's true that we can never be together that way again. I am with Jasper now, and he's a good man and he loves me, James. You've watched us, you know that. If things had gone differently, if I hadn't met him, I'm sure there's nowhere else I would want to be than by your side. But I can't change the past, and neither can you. All we can do is live for today, try and shape our future into a happier tomorrow. It doesn't mean that I don't love you or that you don't love me, because that will never change. I need to know you're out there, somewhere, and that every once in a while you'll look up at the constellations and think of me, and know that I'm thinking of you, too. Please…don't do this." Alice let go of my hands and jumped up into my arms, wrapping her little arms and legs around me so she could lay her cheek against mine. I squeezed her tight as she whispered in my ear the words I had been waiting to hear for 80 years. "I love you." She looked at me then, and before I could stop myself, I kissed her. She didn't hesitate to kiss me back. It started out soft and sweet, then grew passionate and intense, trying to put one hundred years worth of love into a single kiss. And for that one, brief moment, all was right with the world. Finally, it tapered off into a bittersweet goodbye. I ran my hand along her cheekbone and through her hair, touching my forehead to hers.

"Alright, Alice. For you." I hugged her again, afraid I was going to crush her with the force I used, as though I was trying to weld her to me. "I love you, too, angel," I whispered before setting her back down. I took a deep breath, and knew I needed to get away, and quickly, before I made a fool of myself, begging her to go with me. Or worse, before the darkness set in again.

Edward cleared his throat. "I believe you and I still have something to discuss," he said calmly. He turned to Alice and nodded to whatever she had just thought. She squeezed my hand one more time and ran back into the house. "She's right, you know. I refuse to kill you, and I won't let anyone else, either. Walk with me." We slowly walked deeper into the forest. Edward shoved his hands in his pockets as we walked. Finally he began to speak.

"How much do you know about my life? From before Alice joined the family, I mean?"

"Not much," I conceded, wondering where he was going with this.

"For four years, I hunted humans, did you know that?" I shook my head, surprised. "No, I suppose you wouldn't. I killed, but I did so discriminately. I targeted violent criminals; murderers, rapists, and the like. I was a vigilante. I thought I was doing something good, making the world a better place, rescuing people while at the same time embracing my nature. But after a while, I realized a few things."

"Like what?"

"Well, for one thing, I learned that the world is not black and white, and it is not so easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys. I would read the minds of the 'villains' I killed, watched their lives flash before their eyes as I drained their blood. Many of them had horrible, unspeakable things happen to them in their lives that had led them to the place they were. They chose to let the darkness overtake them, as you said. They allowed the tragedies and pain in their lives turn them into monsters. Sometimes I didn't blame them; I could almost pity them. I could see where after so many years of being beaten down, it was easier to just give in to the evil because it hurt less that way. I think that's what happened to you. You had been dealt a lousy hand, and you did everything you could to turn it around, but at the end of the day you couldn't take it anymore and you folded. I can't say I blame you. If I were to lose Bella that way, be tortured my entire life with that loss over and over again, I could easily see myself going insane for a while, too. But you have Alice back now. Not the way you wanted, I realize, but in a real and significant way nonetheless. Think about it. She left her family, not to mention her husband, the man she has loved for over fifty years, against his wishes, to walk with you, hold your hand, even kiss you, and tell you she loves you. She begged you to live, because she could not bear to live in a world where you did not exist. It's a concept I'm very familiar with, as are you." Edward raised his eyebrow at me and waited silently for me to let his words sink in.

I closed my eyes and relived that kiss in my mind. It was amazing how one kiss could take away the pain I had been carrying around for so long. I loved Alice with every fiber of my being. Even if she weren't with me, I needed her to live, to be happy. Edward was right. I nodded my head. "What else did you learn?"

"I learned that the people I saved were often more afraid of me than they were of the people I was supposedly rescuing them from. They didn't see me as Batman, the dark knight rushing in to save the day. They saw me as evil incarnate, they were terrified. Watching their attackers be murdered in front of their eyes traumatized them. Granted, it was better than being dead, as many of them would have been if not for me intervening, but I rarely received any gratitude or thanks. Instead, I was met with screams of terror."

"Why are you telling me all this, Edward?" He stopped walking and turned to look me in the eye.

"So that the next time the darkness starts creeping up on you, you will look back to this moment and remember that you are not really helping that man by 'teaching him' what you think his woman is really like. So that you remember that you have a choice. We may be monsters, but we do not have to be evil. Let the lessons learned from those 22 girls stay with you, so that they did not die in vain. I am telling you this so that you keep in mind that through Alice's forgiveness, and Bella's forgiveness, you have been redeemed. You can start a new life for yourself, atone for your sins and find peace and happiness again, as I have."

I was so touched, so moved by his words, I hugged him. Edward stood, stunned for a moment, his arms stiff at his sides, but then he hugged me back, slapping my back a few times as if to say 'it's going to be alright.' I didn't know if I could do it, keep the darkness out, be the man he thought I could be. But I would never forget that somehow, Edward had seen something in me that he felt was of value, and that against all odds, he had forgiven me enough to share with me the education garnered from his darkest moments. I could only hope to prove myself worthy of his praise one day.

We headed back to the house in companionable silence. When we got back to the house, I could hear everyone inside. Emmett was still comforting Rosalie. Alice was reassuring Jasper of her love for him. Esme was asking Bella if she was alright, and if there was anything she could get her. I would not disrupt them again. It was time for me to go. Edward followed me as I retrieved a box from the trunk of my car. I opened it up and showed him the contents. Alice's teddy bear, Jimmy. The Emily Dickenson book I had given her when I first began courting her, with a dried daisy inside. Her roller skates. Pictures and newspaper clippings of the family she never knew she had, including Annie's family, as well as all of their personal information so she could keep tabs on them if she wanted. Last but not least, I showed him the engagement ring I had bought her. Edward smiled sadly at me. _Will you give these to her for me? Tell her that I said goodbye, and that I love her?_

"I will. Good luck to you, James. I hope that from here on out, life is kinder to you. Please keep in touch. We all will want to know how you are doing. I hope that one day, I will be able to call you Friend." Edward extended his hand to me, and I shook it gratefully. He took the box from my hands and went inside. I looked in the rear view mirror as I drove away. Edward had the box under one arm, his other around Alice, who waved at me frantically from the porch until she disappeared from my view forever.

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

She was number 23. I looked down at the girl trapped in the iron cage of my arms. Beautiful, really. Shoulder length light brown hair, with golden highlights, wide hazel eyes and impossibly long eyelashes, pale skin with freckles tracing her cheekbones and across her nose. She should have been terrified right then, I thought as I stared at her, waiting for the screams that didn't come. I should have been able to smell her fear, but all I smelled was her blood. The sweetest blood I'd ever smelled, even sweeter than Bella's, like cherry blossoms, fresh cut grass, and spring rain.

She was the 23rd girl I'd saved from the clutches of rapists or attackers since I'd left the Cullens house two years ago. After I left, I took some time to think about all that Edward had said to me that day in the woods. I decided to become a police officer. I called Edward and told him of my plans. He had put me in touch with a J. Jenks, who helped me secure a new identity so I could attend the police academy. I was now the most decorated foot patrolman on the force. Everyone admired the way I was able to track down criminals. Somehow I just knew where to find them. I'd been offered promotions three times already, but I have no desire to move up. This is what I want to do. This is where I need to be. This is how I found my redemption.

My partner put the attacker in cuffs and called for a squad car to come pick him up to take him to the station and book him. I held the girl with the sweet smelling blood, trying to determine if she was in shock. She just stared into my eyes for the longest time, and I stared back, mesmerized. "Your eyes are beautiful, like liquid gold," she said after the longest time. She made no moves to extract herself from my arms, and I found myself not wanting to release her.

"Thank you," I smiled at her. "My name is James. And you are?"

"Heather," she said.

"It's nice to meet you, Heather. I'm afraid that you will need to accompany me to the station and give a statement. Can you do that?"

"Will you be there with me?" she asked, a little nervousness finally making its way to the surface.

"As long as you need me," I told her honestly, and she smiled brightly.

"What if I always need you?" she teased. Her question shocked me almost as much as my response did.

"Then you shall always have me."

**_Fin_**

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this out to you. In all honesty, I just didn't want it to end. There will be an epilogue, and then this will be tagged complete. I would love to know what you all thought about it now that its done. My most heartfelt thanks to Readingtime, changedbyEdward, and Lead69 for encouraging me to write this story. **


	10. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine. Fantasies of Cam Gigandet -- definitely mine.**

**Thanks to the most wonderful beta in the world, readingtime. Love you bb!**

**EPILOGUE – James' POV**

Who would have ever thought this day would come? Yet here I stood, standing next to Edward and Jasper as I watched Bella walk down the aisle, her black gown in sharp contrast to the lavender roses in her bouquet. She smiled at Edward and I as she reached the altar and took her place next to Alice. The music changed and a vision in white appeared at the other end of the church. With sure steps and a determined gait, Heather walked down the aisle on her father's arm. Bella took her bouquet and her father put her warm hands into my cool ones.

"Take care of her, James. She'll always be my little girl." He pursed his lips in determination. He didn't want to cry.

"I will, sir. Forever." I looked into her eyes, and although her father didn't understand the true depth of my words, Heather did. She smiled at me through bloodshot eyes. She had never looked more beautiful.

The ceremony was simple, nothing fancy. The reception was much the same. The color choices were appropriate – black and white. Heather had brought me into the light from the blackest darkness. It was an intimate party, not many people. Heather's parents, a few of her closest friends, the Cullens, Victoria and Laurent. It was just how Heather wanted her last evening with her friends to be – casual, laid back, and fun. The wine flowed and the music played until the wee hours of the morning. I was twirling around my lovely bride when Edward tapped me on the shoulder.

"May I cut in?" He smiled at me and I pulled him into a hug.

"I owe you my life, my eternity. You may have anything you want…within reason, of course," I chided and he laughed along with me. "Thank you for being my best man."

"It was my pleasure. I am not quite sure how to say this, James, so I'm just going to say it. I'm proud of you." I had no words to express the magnitude of the emotions flowing through me at that moment, so I simply nodded my head and turned to the beautiful maid of honor at his elbow.

"Shall we?" Bella curtsied in the most adorable fashion and I twirled her around on the dance floor while Edward and Heather danced. "Would it be in incredibly poor taste for me to say it's much more fun dancing with you now that you have full use of both legs?"

Bella just laughed and shook her head at me, then her expression turned more serious. "When is it going to happen?"

"In a couple of weeks. Jenks has already made all the arrangements. The story will be we went hiking in the rainforests of Costa Rica and got separated from our group – never to be seen from again." Heather had taken every piece of information about me in stride. The good, the bad, and the ugly, and when it was all said and done, she loved me anyway, and chose to join me in this life. I was more than happy to oblige her. She wasn't a substitute for Alice, she wasn't second best. In fact, there was nothing about her that ever made me compare her to Alice. Heather was simply my soulmate, my destiny. She cleansed my soul and lightened my spirit in a way I never thought possible. We were going to enjoy our honeymoon and then I would change her. I had already bought a small home in Costa Rica for us to live in while she conquered her bloodlust. After that, we hoped to return to the states so that I could return to law enforcement, perhaps even with the Cullens. Next to Heather, they were the greatest blessing I had ever been given.

"I'm happy for you," Bella beamed at me.

"Thank you, Bella. You helped save me every bit as much as Edward did. You have a very special place in my heart, I hope you know that."

"I do." Bella looked sad for a moment, then pulled me into a hug and I returned it gladly. "I like your hair short, it suits you," she said as she ruffled it with her fingers playfully. I raised an eyebrow at her failed attempt at distraction. She just shrugged her shoulders.

"Don't worry. Edward will come around. It won't be long before you and Heather are sharing stories about your newborn years. If he hasn't come to terms with it by the time we get back, Heather and I will work on him for you. I am proof positive that vampires have souls."

I felt another tap on my shoulder and turned to see who it was. Alice and Jasper were standing there, smiling at me.

"Come on, darlin', let's give these two a moment, shall we?" Jasper picked up Bella and she squealed as he danced her away. Alice took my hand and I silently followed her as we walked away from the party, out of sight of the guests.

I sat down on a stone bench overlooking the garden and Alice sat down on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. I hugged her to me, relishing that feeling one last time before I gently removed her and sat her down next to me. I held her hand and rubbed my thumb across her knuckles. There were no words that needed to be spoken. I loved her; I always would. And she loved me; she always would. But that time had passed for us, and it was time to move on.

Heather approached us with a knowing smile on her face. "Are you ready?" she asked me gently.

"Yes, precious. I am." Alice released my hand as we stood and gave Heather a warm and genuine hug. Heather returned it, then took my hand and together we headed hand in hand for our happily ever after. I didn't look back.

**A/N: Okay, folks, that's a wrap. I'm so sad to see it end that I can't even think of a decent Naked James snippet to put here. I would love to hear everyone's thoughts with the story now that it's completed. Please add it to your favorites list if you haven't already done so. I know that is how I find good stories to read. I've had some interest in a sequel. To be honest, I haven't decided yet. Please let me know when you review if that's something you'd be interested in, and put me on author alert if you haven't already so that if I do a sequel, you'll find out. Much love, Lillie**


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